Bullying lasts forever…
I’ve been struggling with self-esteem issues again.
Some tears and soul searching later, I have come to the conclusion as to why I keep suffering such bouts of melt downs. It wasn’t that I didn’t know. I knew it all along, but to actually face up to it and admit it took a lot more out of me than I care to admit.
As a young child, I was often told I was ugly. Children can be very cruel, and yet it is also then that we are at our most vulnerable. It didn’t help that the folks who bullied me were all getting their orders (to bully or boycott me) from this one girl classmate of mine who was deemed most pretty, and of course, most popular.
And my parents, bless them, for they only did what they thought best, only did what they thought was best. But they often told me that I was fat. Dad used to joke that I was a hippo in a ballerina dress.
And now, I’ve had people tell me that I am pretty, that I am beautiful, that I am anything but ugly. But all I can think of is how fat I am, how ugly I am, how much I hate how I look and how the world would be a much prettier place without my ugly face wandering amongst it.
Be careful of what you say to your children. Be careful of what your children say to others. Be aware if your children are being bullied or are the ones bullying others at school. Encourage children to speak up if they are being put down by their peers. Bullying doesn’t just come in the form of physical violence. Some of the more extreme cases of bullying actually comes from verbal bullying. Don’t do what my teachers did when I spoke up – they laughed it off and said that my classmates couldn’t possibly have done it. The effects it can have on children is long lasting. I am a walking example of it.
How do I get over this? I’m not sure. And that’s the honest truth. Everyday is a struggle. Definitely this blog has helped a lot, but the fact is that I’m still having melt downs and days where I wish I didn’t exist. I still have a long way to go.