Bullying lasts forever…

Not sure of the source, if you know, tell me!

I’ve been struggling with self-esteem issues again.

Some tears and soul searching later, I have come to the conclusion as to why I keep suffering such bouts of melt downs. It wasn’t that I didn’t know. I knew it all along, but to actually face up to it and admit it took a lot more out of me than I care to admit.

As a young child, I was often told I was ugly. Children can be very cruel, and yet it is also then that we are at our most vulnerable. It didn’t help that the folks who bullied me were all getting their orders (to bully or boycott me) from this one girl classmate of mine who was deemed most pretty, and of course, most popular.

And my parents, bless them, for they only did what they thought best, only did what they thought was best. But they often told me that I was fat. Dad used to joke that I was a hippo in a ballerina dress.

And now, I’ve had people tell me that I am pretty, that I am beautiful, that I am anything but ugly. But all I can think of is how fat I am, how ugly I am, how much I hate how I look and how the world would be a much prettier place without my ugly face wandering amongst it.

Be careful of what you say to your children. Be careful of what your children say to others. Be aware if your children are being bullied or are the ones bullying others at school. Encourage children to speak up if they are being put down by their peers. Bullying doesn’t just come in the form of physical violence. Some of the more extreme cases of bullying actually comes from verbal bullying. Don’t do what my teachers did when I spoke up – they laughed it off and said that my classmates couldn’t possibly have done it. The effects it can have on children is long lasting. I am a walking example of it.

How do I get over this? I’m not sure. And that’s the honest truth. Everyday is a struggle. Definitely this blog has helped a lot, but the fact is that I’m still having melt downs and days where I wish I didn’t exist. I still have a long way to go.

8 Responses to "Bullying lasts forever…"

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  1. Jen

    August 31, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    this is a issue I think most girls struggle with.
    I myself being no stranger to being bullied and ridiculed.

    I was never called fat, as i was quite thin and a tomboy but i was very plain to say the least. I didn’t ever feel really pretty till about year 9 and there were always enough people out there to comment on that fact.

    My back hasn’t helped in some ways and has helped so much in others. I learn’t from the young age of 13 that you had to look past what was on top because of it.
    There are some days feel fine with my back, don’t even notice it.
    And then there are others were I see the distortion of the bones in my rib cage and my back protruding and I just want to rip them out of my body.
    I want to physical push my ribs back into my body so they don’t protrude on one side.

    Sometimes I wish i just could have been normal and worry about cellulite and does my bum look big in this?

    But in the end its helped me become the person I am. In the end it usually what we see as our great flaws that are our greatest strengths.

    I’m not gonna say, Oh honey your not fat, or you know your beautiful. Because in the end that’s not the point of this post. Your not looking to be told happy things or grasping for attention.
    Your baring your soul and its beautiful. Never stop being honest, when your honest you can work on your problems rather than hide from them.

    <3 fake Jen(steph)

    • Celeste

      September 6, 2011 at 11:49 am

      Thank you for your lovely comment, Jen. Knowing that others out there understand what I’m trying to get at is heartwarming and is what gives me strength. I do agree that battling through your woes are what makes you a stronger person, so I will persevere.

  2. Natsumi

    August 31, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    I had the same experience where my “best friend” started bullying me and no one believed me – not even my parents (they were close to this “best friends”‘ parents). My teachers used to ridicule me and mock me because I wasn’t as good as her – looks, sports, academically, etc. I had never felt so alone and depressed. Eventually everyone found out the truth but by then I was hurt to the extreme and to this day I still don’t trust girlfriends or people in general.

    You get over it but you learn a lot and it might damage you in certain ways but don’t let it affect you negatively but let it affect you positively because there’s no escaping it but you can learn to get along (:
    P.S. You are beautiful. Never doubt it.

    • Celeste

      September 6, 2011 at 11:50 am

      I remember a similar incident where my ‘best friend’ was one of the bullies! Oh well. You and I both learn how to be strong from it tho. And I guess at the end of the day, I’m somewhat thankful to these people. We wouldn’t be quite as strong as now if not for them.

      • Jen

        September 9, 2011 at 3:52 am

        I myself went through a very similar situation. turns out my best friend was the one bitching about me and was constantly being told by her it was everyone else. lets just say that wasn’t a good year at all.
        Jen recently posted..My First Adelaide Beauty Bloggers Meet

        • Celeste

          September 11, 2011 at 8:19 pm

          Makes it hard to believe anybody huh…

  3. Chloeblue2005

    September 18, 2011 at 8:45 am

    Oh Celeste this post speaks so much to me… I used to get told I was a bad speller and I’m not but my confidence in spelling things for others still remains rock bottom and I’m 36 now. My step-daughter gets told she is clumsy by her mum so I keep telling her she isn’t clumsy (because she really isn’t) in the hopes of undoing that damage too.

    And just for the record – I love your smile – the pics of you from ABC when you are smiling are lovely – your whole face just lights up and I love that. :)
    Chloeblue2005 recently posted..Two-way Street.

  4. rachelmurphy2013

    February 9, 2013 at 2:49 am

    I think the world is a much prettier place for you being in it, Celeste – it needs people like you!

    In my own experience: I remember asking my Gran when I was about 10 if I was pretty, she told me no, not in the ‘traditional sense’. Being 10, all I heard was the ‘no’. At 36, it still affects me sometimes, that someone so close could have said something like that to me.

    I never fitted in anywhere – and now, I’m glad of it. I wouldn’t want to fit in with what’s superficial – I’d rather fit in somewhere like here. With real, beautiful people like yourself :-)
    rachelmurphy2013 recently posted..Happiness


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