Tag Archives: i feel ugly

Heart2Heart with Celeste.

Sometimes you wonder what the world would be like beyond the glass…

You must be wondering why it’s quiet around here. It’s rarely quiet with me posting up 2 or more posts a day, so to go a fair few days without a post is quite a feat.

There’s two parts to the truth.

The first is that I have been busy behind the scenes. I am actually setting up a new blog (yet another one!) and collapsing a few. Becoming Beautiful is going to be a real pumping hub soon because it will be the mothership to a few other blogs that I have been running concurrently. More to come soon as I get things organized, but you can be assured that I have not forgotten about you and content.

The second is less candid, less pretty and a whole lot more ugly.

See, the truth is, I have been feeling really ugly again. But not physically this time. Physically, I’m happy with myself. I’m nowhere near my goal weight, but I’m not gaining either. I’m not exercising as much as I should, but I know I’m not stuffing myself silly either.

It’s mentally that I feel ugly.

Jealousy, envy, greed.

They are all very ugly emotions. And I have been feeling them almost constantly recently. And the more they rear their ugly head, the more I try to sit on them. And like naughty children, they rebel and become stronger through fighting back.

There is a fine line between ambition and greed. There is a fine line between envy and jealousy. There is a fine line that we dance along every day of our life. But lately I feel as though I have been dancing more and more into the enemy territory.

This is why I’ve taken a step back. I hated who I was, and I felt repulsed by myself. I didn’t want to taint the only good things I have, so I took a step back to keep things pure. And I made a mental promise to myself that until I felt clean again, I wasn’t coming back.

There will be changes around here, for happier reasons and for not-so-happy reasons. But ultimately it is so that I can continue being happy and no longer feel ugly.

The reason I’m telling you all this is because I’d like you to know this.

We are all humans, and we all suffer from ugly emotions. It is what you do in response to them that matters most..

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that, we all need to be grateful for what we have. Push for new goals and climb new heights, but do not begrudge others their success.

This quote says it all:

“There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” – Epictetus

I hope you had a much prettier week than I did.

Photo is of my dearest Tinsel. You can follow her twitter account here: @mynameistinsel.
Photo was taken by the person who has seen me at my ugliest, the one and only Iriael

I feel ugly : How to say “no” to ugly days.

Some days I wake up thinking:
I feel ugly.

Some days I wake up thinking:
I am fat.

Some days I wake up thinking:
I am ugly.

I know that feeling. I have it a lot. A lot. And it’s hard to get through those days. Those are the days where I feel like clawing my face off, smash all the mirrors and do bodily harm to myself to get rid of said ‘fat’. I am insecure and I have no self confidence in my looks. And so such days can be extremely dangerous because it upsets my entire day, ruins my mood and any of my friends will be able to tell you that when I’m upset, I radiate with unhappiness and it affects others too. Not a good thing.

I had one such day recently and my poor housemate had to sit through a whole day of “I’m ugly” rants. He’s sick of hearing it, and truth be told, I’m sick of ranting it myself. But I can’t help myself because when I’m down in the dumps, I’m really, REALLY, down in the dumps.

I don’t think I’m the only person to have an ‘ugly day’. So what do you do to combat this?

5 ways to say “no” to ugly

1. Smile

As hard as it may be to do on an ‘ugly day’, the first thing you should do is smile. Smile, laugh, be as joyous as you can be. Chances are, you won’t be feeling joyous at all but trust me. Once you’ve gotten the ball rolling on that first smile (not frown!), it’s easier to bring on the rest. And if you are feeling ugly or worried that other people might find you ugly, just remember this – a smile is all it takes to go from plain to beautiful. People will not be remembering that zit or that wrinkle you are worried about, people will be remembering your kind million-watt smile.

2. Put some makeup on.

Many years ago, I would have scoffed at this and say that you are merely hiding behind a mask by putting makeup on. But as you add colour to your face, it is akin to adding colour to your day and your life. Use bright colours to cheer yourself up and as your most beautiful features come to live under your brush and your skill, so to will your ‘ugly’ feelings dissipate and allow your inner self to shine. I find that if I wake up hating myself and how I look, I tend to calm down and feel better as I put on my trusty liquid eyeliner. And if I’m still feeling ugly, the red lipstick never fails to make me feel sexy.

3. I am beautiful, believe it.

For others to think you are beautiful, firstly you have to believe that you are beautiful yourself. If you don’t believe in something, you will portray it with no conviction and others will pick up on it and believe that too. But if you believe that you are beautiful and that you are worthy, then other people will too. (There will always be naysayers, but ignore them, for they are obviously only trying to belittle you to make themselves feel better.) Say it out loud: “I am beautiful” as many times as it takes for you to be able to feel in control of your feelings and to get back on the right track again. Write it on your mirror, stick it on a postit and have it all over your desk at work. It is vital that you are constantly reminded that you are beautiful for who you are because beauty starts from within you and not without.

4. Dress well.

It’s hard to feel beautiful if you are dressed sloppily. I find that on my ‘ugly days’ I tend to pick the sloppiest of my clothes to wear as I’m in a “why bother, i’m ugly anyways” mood. But you have gotta break that vicious cycle. Dress up to the nines on your ugly days. Pick the prettiest of your clothes, wear the sexiest stilettos and load up on that mascara. By the time you’ve done all the work into dressing up, chances are your ‘ugly day’ will be over. Stand back in the mirror and admire your handiwork, damn babe, you’re looking fineee.

5. Be polite to yourself.

Sometimes we think that just because it’s ourselves, we don’t need to treat ourselves with respect. It’s easy to put aside your manners and start laying it into yourself because there’s no one else to hear you. But you have feelings too. Feelings that can be hurt. Didn’t think it possible to hurt your own feelings? Well, by calling yourself ugly, you just did. Would you call somebody else ugly to their face? If your answer is no, then you shouldn’t do it to yourself then. (And if your answer is yes, you should be rethinking that…) And stop staring at yourself. I find that on ‘ugly days’, I’m obsessed with the mirror and big glass windows as I am constantly trying to find a reason to feel better about myself and always failing because I have a “nothing will look good” attitude going on at the same time. No good will come of it, so stop looking. You don’t stare at strangers (or try not to!) so don’t do it to yourself either!

What are your ways to combat ‘ugly days’? I very often have them so would love to hear other solutions and other ideas on how to stop these ‘ugly days’ from happening. I know fully well that there is no such thing as “ugly” as everybody is beautiful and gorgeous in their own right. But why is it so hard for my heart to believe what my brain knows?