You must be wondering why it’s quiet around here. It’s rarely quiet with me posting up 2 or more posts a day, so to go a fair few days without a post is quite a feat.
There’s two parts to the truth.
The first is that I have been busy behind the scenes. I am actually setting up a new blog (yet another one!) and collapsing a few. Becoming Beautiful is going to be a real pumping hub soon because it will be the mothership to a few other blogs that I have been running concurrently. More to come soon as I get things organized, but you can be assured that I have not forgotten about you and content.
The second is less candid, less pretty and a whole lot more ugly.
See, the truth is, I have been feeling really ugly again. But not physically this time. Physically, I’m happy with myself. I’m nowhere near my goal weight, but I’m not gaining either. I’m not exercising as much as I should, but I know I’m not stuffing myself silly either.
It’s mentally that I feel ugly.
Jealousy, envy, greed.
They are all very ugly emotions. And I have been feeling them almost constantly recently. And the more they rear their ugly head, the more I try to sit on them. And like naughty children, they rebel and become stronger through fighting back.
There is a fine line between ambition and greed. There is a fine line between envy and jealousy. There is a fine line that we dance along every day of our life. But lately I feel as though I have been dancing more and more into the enemy territory.
This is why I’ve taken a step back. I hated who I was, and I felt repulsed by myself. I didn’t want to taint the only good things I have, so I took a step back to keep things pure. And I made a mental promise to myself that until I felt clean again, I wasn’t coming back.
There will be changes around here, for happier reasons and for not-so-happy reasons. But ultimately it is so that I can continue being happy and no longer feel ugly.
The reason I’m telling you all this is because I’d like you to know this.
We are all humans, and we all suffer from ugly emotions. It is what you do in response to them that matters most..
I guess what I’m trying to say here is that, we all need to be grateful for what we have. Push for new goals and climb new heights, but do not begrudge others their success.
This quote says it all:
“There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” – Epictetus
I hope you had a much prettier week than I did.